We've all heard it. We've all said it.

It's the reason teens and young adults have to do their homework, clean their room, take out the trash and go to bed on time.

The adult says, "Because I said so!" The teen rolls his or her eyes and stomps off to complete the task at hand.

However, parents and teachers giving directions to a child with executive function challenges experience an entirely different narrative...

Scenario 1: Mom comes home at 5:00 after a long day at work. She walks down the hall and finds her 13-year-old son laying on his bed, cellphone in hand, watching YouTube tutorials about building computers. His clothes, dirty and clean, are all over the bedroom floor. A half-eaten bowl of cereal sits on the nightstand and his backpack has landed on a chair, still zipped up from the school day. Mom is exhausted and frustrated; why can't her son get started? Why do homework and a clean bedroom always have to be a constant fight? No matter how many times she tells him, he just doesn't follow through.

Scenario 2: Miss Schiffer loves kindergarten. She is in her second year of teaching. This year, she has a new student who wants to make friends by playing with the other children, but he goes about it the wrong way. He gets excited, runs up to a potential playmate, and pulls a toy or book right from their grasp. Miss Schiffer talks endlessly about sharing and has even taught this boy more prosocial behaviors. She worries about this little boy because she already sees other children avoiding him. He just doesn't seem to get it.

Scenario 3: Sara is a 16-year-old girl who is preparing for the SAT. Her parents and the resource specialist at her school work together to map out a very manageable study plan for Sara. Still, she isn't following it. Sara tells her parents that studying for the SAT is unnecessary because she passes tests at school without studying at all. Everyone is frustrated; doesn't Sara care about getting into college?

One thing that's missing is intrinsic motivation.

All of these kids are more focused on instant gratification rather than the long-term reward. They do not see how small tasks and behaviors connect to their overall lives and futures. The thirteen-year-old doesn't know where to start and quite frankly, he doesn't care if his room is a mess and his homework is sloppy! He doesn't see how it connects to his dream of one day being a computer engineer. Miss Schiffer's little five-year-old student doesn't understand that his impulsivity is directly impacting his ability to make friends. Sara is a bright student who is able to pass tests with little effort. Her parents know she is capable of better grades and really strong SAT scores, but she's not motivated to aim higher.

These need to have their own motivation. They need to have their own "why."

Without it, the narrative continues on a loop. Parents and teachers can foster intrinsic motivation in their kids. It just takes the right type of conversation and communication. Don't lose hope; ask for help!

We're here to support you whenever you need it. The first step is taking a deep, slow breath. The second is clicking our "Contact" tab to submit a form.

Our kids, today more than ever, are expected to perform like adults.

Politicians and other leaders who create our educational programs do not realize the negative impact that increasingly high standards, hours of homework, and high stakes standardized testing have on our kids. However, the parents, teachers, friends, and coaches are seeing the changes in our children. It comes in the form of so many problems:

Depression. Anxiety. Trouble sleeping. Disordered eating. Lack of interest in activities.

I have worked with clients that can't play a sport they are passionate about because they are so stressed about homework and tests. They are forced to quit or lose their spot on the team. As school becomes more stressful, some clients begin to look physically different. They droop in their chairs and seem low-energy. They are more emotional and feel like they will fail, no matter how hard they try. Some even suffer from gastrointestinal issues and frequent illnesses because their stress is causing their immune systems to underperform.

Sadly, the clients I work with that struggle the most with school-related stress are the ones with learning differences and/or ADHD.

This should not be their reality!

So, what can you do about it?

There are so many steps that parents can take to help their children! Now, my brain remembers things best with rhymes, acronyms, and other similar memory tricks. So, I'm going to tell you to channel your inner Michael Jackson (we all have one!) and just BEAT it.

B: Breathe. Do some meditation, deep breathing, or any activity that helps you to relax your muscles and mind. Stress and tension can block our ability to make sound choices. Reset your mind. Get ready to do your most productive thinking.

E: Empower yourself. Talk to a parent of a student in your class. Read a book. Ask around for resources. You are smart and capable; you just need to know what your options are. Not sure where to start? Send me an e-mail or check under my "resources" tab.

A: Advocate for your child. Talk to the teachers and principals and don't be afraid to speak out. Tell them what you are seeing. Document all of your discussions with people so you can refer back to it later. Remember that proverbial squeaky wheel? Keep that in mind during this step!

T: Talk to your child. It is so common for clients to tell me that they feel like everyone else is smart and he/she is stupid. They feel isolated and begin to shut down. Make sure your child knows they are not alone in what they are feeling. Encourage them to label their emotions as specifically as possible; research has shown that, by just labeling an emotion accurately, kids are more able to manage those feelings.